I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
