did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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