idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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