"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
