Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
