One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
