; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
