I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
