There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
