is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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