I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
