can we get nightvision for the apartment?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
