don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize