Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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