road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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