I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
