She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
