I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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