Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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