its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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