Fine. I'll sleep in my office
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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