My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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