dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
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Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
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you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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