Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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