she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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