I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
