for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
