Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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