I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
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so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
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She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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