Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
