The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
