i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
