You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
