i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
