i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
