Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Randomize
