I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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