Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
where am i from again
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
