he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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