just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
