dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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