we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
