Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
