we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
