Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
