How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I seem to have left my pride at pride
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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