when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.