After last night, I could never be a politician.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
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he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
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I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale