Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.