Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
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I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
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Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.