my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Don't tell me you're on acid again