He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
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i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
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you had me at cake vodka
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.