she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
