Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
