Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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