Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Two words: blizzard sex
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
