The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
