Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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