i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
