is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
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