Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
