dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
