dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
