she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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