Just cropdusted the office
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
PANTIES FOUND
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