Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
