Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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