So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
