im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
