Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
