Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
