I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
