Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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