so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
