Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
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i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
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you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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