Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
