Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
why is half of my head shaved?
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