I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
