He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
