I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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