i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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