just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
