I want you more than these girls want KFC
fuck your aforementioned shoe
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
