That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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