well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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